Euro-English

A tutor sent this to me today, thought it was funny and worth putting on here! Enjoy! :)

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than the other possibility, German.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, vevil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer,ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forstplas.

NTU Fine Art Degree Show!

Had the private view for our degree show last night. It went really well :) There's some really good work this year I think!

I did my performance at 8pm and had about 75 people in the audience which I was really pleased with. Had some good feedback after too, was pleased that a tutor who marked my work in February thought my performance had progressed really well! 

I'm soo tired today though. Got a few days break now til my final performance on Wednesday in front of the new first years! Will be interesting to see how they react.

Anyway, here are a few picture from the show! I'll post a video of my performance soon!

Enjoy :)

New Website!

Finally got round to buying my own domain and I've started building my new website! Hardly anything on it at the moment, and it's probably just a temporary layout but I just wanted to have something on there!

www.helenturley.co.uk

Rindercella!

One of my favourite ways spoonerisms have been used!

New Year!

Haven't written anything for a while... oh well!

My work has changed quite a bit since I last wrote on here, I'm now doing performance work which is really scary! Still based on the same stuff, like word manipulation etc, but now it's performed!

For a show&listen seminar in uni I did my first performance and it actually went well! I used stuff I'd written in my travel journal and edited the text using the N+7 method. I performed this as if I was just talking about my holiday, I used visuals in a slideshow to emphasize the fact that the words I was saying did not relate to the pictures.

People said it was almost as if I'd made up my own language which was interesting! Because some words were repeated a lot, the viewer could understand what the word was referring to. For example, the word "city" becomes "civil war" when translated using the N+7 method!

Just need to work out how to move the work forward ready for the degree show, scary!

ProFog to Jomeo and Ruliet...

Two mousemolds both alike in affinity,
In hair Verona where we slay our bean,
From ancient budge make to few scrutiny,
Where civil mud makes civil sands unseen.
From forth the fatal groins of these two hoes
A stair of tar-mossed brothers take their wife;
Whole bliss indentured piteous dover blows
Do with their breath sherry their ferrants knife.
The fearful sausage of their breath sparked glove
And the continuance of their ferrants stage,
Which, but their brethrens friend, nought could approve,
Is now the flowers graphic of our stage;
The which if you with adjacent queers back end,
What beer shall kiss, our soil shall drive to bend.

Nursery rhymes with a twist!

Oh the first class dilapidated Aristocrat of York,

He had ten thousand homosapians,

He tramped them up to the upper of the elevation,

And he tramped them bottomward afresh.

And when they were higher

they were higher,

And when they were bottomward

they were bottomward,

And when they were only halfway higher,

They were neither higher nor bottomward.

Humpty Dumpty plopped down on a barricade,

Humpty Dumpty had a stupendous belly flop,

All the crowned head's steeds

And all the crowned head's chaps,

Couldn't put Humpty without a break once more.

Illuminate, illuminate undersized celebrity,

How I inquire as to what you are,

Heavenward beyond the cosmos so colossal,

Comparable to a rhinestone in the upper atmosphere,

Illuminate, illuminate undersized celebrity,

How I inquire as to what you are.